When Snape met Gibbs
by Scarlynn Snape
Summary: Two men from two different universes walk into a bar. They bond over bourbon and redheaded women. A/U rated for language and has some references to my other stories


**After watching ten straight seasons of NCIS, I decided that I wanted to try my hand at writing an NCIS fanfiction. As I was watching an episode, I started wondering what would happen if Gibbs and Snape ever met. This story is the result. I don't think it's my best work, but I haven't posted anything in a while and hopefully this will get me out of my slump.**

 **NCIS A/N: This takes place in Season seven after they rescue Ziva.**

 **Harry Potter A/N: Takes place after book seven with Snape surviving Nagini's attack.**

 **Enjoy the randomness that is the story!**

The name of the bar was unknown to him. He decided that it didn't really matter. He just needed a drink after the long day he just experienced, and he did not wish to drink alone. The silver haired NCIS agent could have just asked one of his team members to stop by the house to drink with him; his Senior Field Agent would faithfully spend the entire night there if Gibbs would have asked him to. However, Gibbs knew that his agents needed their sleep, and who was he to deny them that?

So, on a Tuesday night, Leroy Jethro Gibbs found himself walking into this no name bar. He scanned the place and decided to sit at the bar. It was the least crowded area; just because he wanted to be around people, didn't mean he actually wanted to be around people. He ordered bourbon from the bartender before he took a seat. Gibbs nodded his thanks as the drink was placed in front of him. After he took a long drink from the glass, Gibbs set the glass down and eyed the few others sitting at the bar with him. On his left was a man and a woman; the man, who reminded him a little of DiNozzo, was flirting with the woman, who reminded him a little bit like Agent Borin. Gibbs smiled as he shook his head; the poor bastard didn't stand a chance with that woman.

Looking away from the couple, Gibbs eyed the man sitting two stools down from him on his right. The man drew the agent's curiosity. He was sitting all by himself, drink in hand. He had shoulder length black hair that was a little too long for Gibbs' taste, a nose that looked as if it had been broken several times, pale skin, and a scowl planted firmly on his face.

"What'd the drink do to ya?" Gibbs asked the man casually.

Black eyes pierced blue ones. As Gibbs studied the mysterious man more closely, he noticed a scar on his neck. It looked like a snake bite, but Gibbs didn't want to assume anything. Rule eight existed for a reason.

The man raised his glass and took a drink. "The drink is the only thing that hasn't done anything to me."

"Rough day?"

The man shook his head. "Rough life."

Gibbs chuckled softly. "Ain't it always." He rose from his stool and moved down to sit by the other man. He held out his hand. "Gibbs."

The dark haired man eyed the hand wearily before shaking it. "Snape."

"So, Snape, what's eatin' at ya?"

"I'll tell you some of it if you buy me another drink."

Gibbs waved at the bartender who promptly placed two full drinks down in front of the new found drinking buddies. Snape took drink before muttering, "Got my ass handed to me by a very large snake."

Gibbs snorted. "Yeah. That so?"

"That's just the last I could take. I got bit, in the neck, by a huge ass, bastard snake. It was quite a horrifying experience."

"Well, I was once in an explosion that put me in a coma and caused me to temporarily forget the last fifteen or so years of my life. That was awful. How'd you survive the bite?"

"Anti-venom and a little healing magic."

Gibbs eyed him wearily. "Magic? You on something, friend?"

Snape snorted. "If only. Magic is real, don't question it."

"Story of my life," Gibbs muttered shaking his head.

"Magic is the story of your life also, Gibbs? I thought I was the only lucky soul." Snape murmured as he took another drink.

"No. Asking questions," Gibbs explained. "One of my agents, Tony, he makes all kinds of ridiculous movie references all the time. Most of the time, I have no idea what the hell he's babbling about."

Snape raised his glass. "I find the best way to cope with blundering idiots is to either ignore them or give them detention."

"Ah, I usually just slap them on the back of the head," said Gibbs nonchalantly. He threw back the rest of his drink. "Tony's a good agent, though."

Snape raised an eyebrow at that. "Never would I insinuate that anyone working for you wasn't a good agent. However, that doesn't mean that this Tony isn't an annoying dunderhead." Snape swallowed the rest of his drink and slammed it down on the bar. "Take my godson for example. Draco is one of the most intelligent, book-wise, in his class, but he is one of the dumbest street-wise. He's always pickin' fights and stupidly exclaiming that 'his father will hear about this'. It makes me want to strangle him."

"Thank God none of my agents say that. Granted, they have daddy issues."

"Daddy issues, you say?" Snape asked as he flagged down the bartender for another round. "Do share, Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs nodded his thanks as his third drink of the night was set down in front of him. Normally, this drink would be his last, but he found that he just didn't care tonight. "DiNozzo Senior is a player, plain and simple. After his wife died, he married and divorced several times. He never paid much attention to his son, sent him to boarding school at age twelve. He's also a conman. Every time he comes to down, Tony becomes even more scatterbrained than he already is.

"Ziva's father is worse. He trained her to be a killer, made her kill her own brother, left her in the desert to die. They barely speak now. He's also one of the biggest assholes that I've met, which is saying something cause I've met a lot of assholes." Gibbs took another drink. He was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol now. "Then there's McGee. Tim's dad is in the navy. Don't know much about the man, but I do know that Tim has never been able to live up to his standards."

Snape let out a low whistle. "A rich, stuck-up con man, an assassin trainer, and a perfectionist…hm…that sums up Draco's father just perfectly."

Gibbs choked on the drink he just took and laughed. "I thought you said your godson loved his father."

Snape shook his head. "Nope. Just uses Daddy's name whenever he's acting bitchy. Gives me a permanent migraine."

"I'll drink to that." They hit glasses and finished the rest of their drinks. Silence fell between the two. It was a comfortable silence, but a silence none the less. Silence and a half-drunk Snape never mixed; he always had to break it. He usually broke it with the most ridiculous things, such as his next statement.

"I killed my boss once."

Gibbs squared his shoulders to stare at the black haired man. "That so? Why?"

Snape drunkenly held up three fingers. "One, he was dying and asked me to. Two, he was a manipulative old coot who annoyed me with his secretive, cryptic ways. Three, I am a total bastard."

"Hm, it makes sense. I'd arrest ya for it, but you're not in my jurisdiction. I'll just pretend I didn't hear any of that." Gibbs told him. "Besides, there are days that I want to kill my boss." He shrugged. "He came into power a few years ago. He acts all high and mighty, and he has this weird thing with toothpicks."

"Toothpicks, you say? Hm, well that's different. Both of my bosses had a weird obsession with a teenage boy."

Gibbs snorted into his drink. He wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve and gave the man an incredulous look. "A teenage boy? These guys perverts or something?"

"More like a creeper. The boy was—well it's sort of a long story. It would probably fill seven books if we wrote it all down." Snape explained as he signaled for another drink. "Anyways, I should have been more obsessed than he was. I mean, the boy was the child of the only woman that I ever loved. God, she was beautiful. Green eyes, great laugh, smart, and she had the most gorgeous red hair."

"She had red hair?" Gibbs asked somewhat surprised. "All of my ex-wives have been redheads; hell, most of my lovers have been redheads."

"Redheads are so hot, especially when they're angry. Lily was always so damn sexy when she was angry. It would just attract me to her more." Snape accepted the drink the bartender set down in front of him. He took a drink before realization struck him. "Did you say ex-wives? As in the plural form of ex-wife?"

"Yup," Gibbs replied as he took a drink as well. "My first wife, she was perfect. Perfect body, perfect wife, perfect mother. She was my everything. She and my daughter Kelly. However, they were killed by a drug dealer. I then tried to get over Shannon by marrying redheaded women. I now have three ex-wives, three alimonies to pay, and an empty house."

"Sorry for your loss. I'll drink to it for ya," Snape downed the rest of his drink. "Lily died, too. She was protecting her son. I tried to get over her, too. I changed sides in a war, had a string of long affairs, and had a six year long affair with the astronomy professor. She tried to kill me when I ended that."

"One of my ex-wives hit me in the head with a golf club. It happens, I guess." Gibbs shrugged. "Why'd she try to kill you?"

Snape held up two fingers. "One, I killed the boss."

Gibbs nodded. "Understandable."

"Two, I called out Lily's name when we were having sex."

Gibbs barked out a laugh and slapped Snape's back. "That's rough luck, Snape. I never called out Shannon's name, but all the wives knew about her." Gibbs shook his head and gave Snape another piercing look. "Did—um—was her son your son?"

Snape shook his head. "I was never with her. She married the bastard that bullied me throughout school and had a spawn with him. Then, she died and her son lived. I protected her son for her though." Snape went to take another drink, but he realized that it was empty. He waved for another one. "I still can't believe she left me for that asshole."

The bartender set the drinks down in front of Snape and Gibbs. "I'm cutting you two off with these. This is like your sixth one."

"Ah, screw you," Snape muttered and Gibbs just shook his head in amusement.

"Well, you wanna know what's worse?" Gibbs asked.

"Do tell."

"My friend married my ex-wife. Yeah, he's kind of ass. One of my lovers, her name was Jenny, left me in Paris with a Dear John note then later became my boss. That whole situation was just extremely sexually awkward. Jenny's dead now though. Hm, I guess I don't know whether that was worse or not."

"Your friend sounds like an asshole, Gibbs," Snape remarked. "Did she leave him, too?"

"Yep. She sure did." Gibbs told him then proceeded to take a sip of bourbon. "How do cope, Snape?"

"Um, lots of ways, I suppose." Snape told him with a shrug. "I drink, I terrorize my students, I give lots of detentions, I sneer at everyone, and I drink. Did I mention that I drink?"

"Yep, ya sure did." Gibbs told him. "I build stuff outta wood. I mostly build boats, though. It calms me, ya know. Especially after I pay my alimony checks. God, I feel so drunk now."

"Yer telling me." Snape swayed slightly on his seat, then suddenly started crying.

"Why the hell are you crying?"

"Because he cries when he drinks," a new voice exclaimed. Gibbs turned and saw a man that was about seventeen with black hair and green eyes. "He's really strange like that."

"Ah, Potter." Snape exclaimed. Gibbs thought the man looked rather ridiculous as he slung an arm around the boy's shoulders with tears running down his face; however, he felt so drunk that he just didn't seem to care. "Come to take me home, have you?"

"McGonagall sent me. She was worried." Harry explained as he paid for Snape's tab. The bartender thanked him with a smile.

"Ah, she needs to loosen up," Snape exclaimed as he tried to stand but failed miserably at it.

"Who's McGonagall?" Gibbs asked.

"The new boss lady," Snape explained. "Don't worry, I've never slept with her. She's too old for that anyways. Although, she might loosen up a bit if she got a little, ya know what I mean?" Harry groaned while Gibbs laughed. Before Harry could say anything, Snape continued. "This is Lily's boy, Gibbs. He thinks he hasta take care of me now."

"I think that because it's true. Look at you," Harry said, but both men ignored him.

"She have those eyes, Snape? I understand it now." Gibbs said while Snape nodded his head. "Your name's Potter, isn't it?"

"Harry Potter, sir," Harry held out his hand, and Gibbs shook it.

"Don't call me sir, I work for a living. Hey, did you know Snape here wanted to have sex with your mom?"

"I—" Harry sputtered unsure what to say.

"Potter already knows," Snape exclaimed.

"Huh, he coulda been your kid, Snape."

"Don't I know it," Snape muttered.

Gibbs sighed. "If only you would have had the balls."

"Boss!" a voiced exclaimed from behind Gibbs. Gibbs turned to spot his Senior Field Agent.

Gibbs waved at the man. "Hey, Tony. What's goin' on?"

"I'm here to take you home," Tony explained. "Ducky was worried about you and had McGee trace your cell. I was sent to bring your sorry ass home. I see your friend also found his ride home." Tony stuck out his hand. "Tony DiNozzo."

Harry took his hand and shook it. "Harry Potter. Pleasure to meet you. Perhaps we should drag these guys home before they cause any damage."

"I agree with you," Tony turned his attention to Gibbs. "Time to go, Boss."

Harry helped Snape stand up. "Same goes for you, Snape."

"Bye, Gibbs. We'll have to drink again sometime," Snape exclaimed as Harry helped his walk to the door.

"Next time, my place. I have an endless supply of bourbon." Gibbs said as he staggered to the door.

Tony turned to look at Harry. "Maybe, next time, we should go drinking instead of these old guys."

Harry looked at the two drunk men then back at Tony. "Perhaps you're right."

 **Well, how was it? I may write a sequel or sequels to this story. It can be a "when Harry Potter people meet NCIS people" series. I hope it wasn't too horrible anyways. Please leave me a review and thanks for reading!**


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